Scarborough’s Randy Walrus Has Already Been Modded Into Duke Smoochem 3D

On New Year's Eve, a walrus was spotted hanging around the Scarborough docks. This wasn’t just any old walrus, however, as he’d been given a name: Thor. Why was he named after the Norse god of thunder? We’ll get to that in a moment, but for now, just understand that Thor is estimated to be eight years old, which is basically the teenage years for a walrus. And if there’s one thing that teenage males do, it's masturbate. Thor is no exception.

Thor has been seen around the UK throughout 2022, but on New Year's Eve, Thor decided he’d ring in the new year the best way a horny, lonely walrus could and just rubbed one out on the pier. In full view of pretty much the whole country, and after a few people got out their cell phones, the rest of the world too. And now that you’ve heard a walrus masturbate, the name makes a lot more sense.

Of course, Thor the walrus having a wank on the Scarborough pier is far too iconic a moment to go undocumented in Duke Smoochem 3D, the ambitious Duke Nukem 3D mod from Dan Douglas that’s attempting to recreate a slice of all British life. It took exactly four days for Dan to record a sprite of Thor the masturbating walrus and insert it into Duke Smoochem. Duke naturally exclaims “holy cow” upon seeing Thor performing what only comes naturally to teenage boys.

Some fans have noted that Walrus was actually masturbating on cobblestones and not a sandy beach, which undoubtedly would have been more comfortable, but Dan admitted that recreating Scarborough accurately is a little beyond the scope of Duke Smoochem. However, he couldn’t simply let Thor’s wank go undocumented, and thus he’s crankin’ it on the beach.

Elsewhere in Duke Smoochem you can spot former British PM Boris Johnson's literal descent into obscurity, something we wouldn't have expected to be overshadowed by a walrus, but 2022 was a very strange year.

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